Friday, May 2, 2008

growing together without loosing oneself.

I was chatting with a friend a while ago... She was crying and confused. I knew her since college... and I believe that she is one of the lucky girl who met the man of his dream.I believe that lucky are those who find their other half...Finding your other half means finding someone who not only appreciates who you are, but also gets who you are. To make the story short, her problem is... she felt that all these years, they were too close and that deprive her for some time to breath. All these years... she never go out with friends... never go to work... she's a plain housewife and mother. One day, she realized that she want something new... she want to do something for herself. And that made her feel guilty... she believe she doesn't have to feel that way. So i decided to share with you the thought I have on this.
Personally, I believe that relationship, as in any kind of relationship should not stop us from growing individually. You may share everything right from your breakfast cereal down to your mid-night snack session before rolling over into the bed to get some sleep, while embracing each other. The next day, give your partner a kiss before leaving to work and starting the whole routine all over again. Life seems to be a paradise full of love. A dream come true, isn't it?

But if at some point the thrill of spending every possible moment together is no longer a novelty and the feeling of wanting to be alone knocks in... Does it mean something is wrong with you? or is it because you don't love each other anymore?

When you get married, does it mean that gone are the days that you could go out with your friends and stroll the mall to window shop? Does it mean that gone are the days that you can watch a movie alone and get a "day off" from being a mother and wife? Does it mean that gone are the days that you can take a summer workshop to improve yourself? I don't think so...

Before you live together, you could barely wait to see each other every day and the workday seemed like the unwelcome obstacle standing in between the both of you that was preventing you from the possibility of seeing each other every single minute of the day.When you get married and live together the workday between you seems like the only window of time that allows you to get some needed space from each other.

So the big question is, how can you find the balance of making time for yourself as well as spending time with your partner?

First, talk about what is in your mind.
After having an open and honest conversation about this, you may learn that spending quality time away from each other will enhance those quality moments you spend alone together. Here are a few scenarios and suggestions to get you started on the right track.

If it's rest day/day off and neither of you want to leave the house:
Go to another room of the house and tell your partner you need an hour of uninterrupted time to yourself. Take this time to do something you really enjoy. Read a book, phone a friend, listen to some tunes or whatever. Utilize this time and cherish it. It's your time to get into your own headspace before you go on with the regular daily chores of everyday life. If one of the ways you enjoy spending time is surfing the net or catching up on Facebook, laptops are a great investment. Because of their mobility you can take the laptop to any room of the house.

Remember, just because you live together does not mean you must spend every moment together or entertain each other or do chores at every opportunity.

Go for a walk, jog or meet a friend at your favorite coffee shop. Getting out into the fresh air does wonders for your health, and it's a great way to clear your head. While your partner is at home, he can utilize this time as his own time alone while you're out.

Take a class on your own, something that you find interesting personally.
Invest some time and money into taking a regular weekly class that interests you. Whether it's yoga, learning Spanish or cooking learning something new re-energizes your mind. This is a good way to break up the week, and have a designated day a week where you can look forward to enjoying your own time. If each partner takes a class of their own by choosing one day a week on different days, then this will leave also an opportunity for each partner to take advantage of having alone time at home while the other one is at the class. At the end of the week, you'll both have something new to talk about how much you're enjoying your classes!

The bathroom is the one great place you can be alone without question. Lock the door, and run a bath. Enjoy a good long soak in your bubble bath, close your eyes and just breathe. Light some candles and simply relax. Take your time and let your partner know that you will need at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time in the tub.

It's worth the time - to take the time alone for yourself in order to - make the time you spend with your partner feel refreshing again. You'll both feel good as a result and will be even more appreciative of your relationship when you reunite.
After all, you were both individual singles before you met and thatspace you had to yourself, formed a part of your personality. Keep that part of you alive in your relationship and you'll both be stronger as a couple together.

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